I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
