i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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