did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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