How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
