A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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