The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
