you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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