I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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