I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
