If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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