When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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