There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
