Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
