Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
