I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
