FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
