How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
