I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
