you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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