Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
