wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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