THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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