apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
only you would photoshop your dick
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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