I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
