There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
