Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
