You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
