Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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