My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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