he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
