While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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