He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
