i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
