I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
...so i touched it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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