YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
