We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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