Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
