So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
