im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
