I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
