I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
