True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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