i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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