Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
