Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize