so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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