If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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