I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
