he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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