can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
