Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
