hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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