I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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