you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
