Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
