Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
