I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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