Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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