theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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