I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
