cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
