I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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