quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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