it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
