remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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