Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
