there's paper in my vomit.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
