I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
