apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
