She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
