First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
