Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
