Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
