Will you blow on my dice?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
