Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i drank out of a bidet.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
