At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this will be a night to untag.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
